I may be late to the party on this one, but I have not laughed out loud and so often for ages, and I'm glued to my PC screen reading all of this, Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About, I have tears streaming down my face, at the sad recognition of the reality of living with a woman, in this case, my wife Annie.
I am reminded of the spreadsheet I started to keep, mapping out Annie's annoying habits, and as a control I listed my own annoying habits, as directed by Annie. I have more annoying habits than Annie but hers are of a far higher grade and quality. And with a spreadsheet it's easy to update and re-order them in case new ones creep into the Chart!
And come to think of it, here are a few of them.
- What is it with women and toothpaste tubes?
- I eat and drink 5 things. Why is my wife is incapable of remembering and stocking up on those items? I am more than happy to do the shopping if she gives me a list of her things, but I'm always met with "I can't think straight right now". I've given up tea, I drink Honey and Lemon. Is it so difficult to buy Honey and Lemons at the same time?
- Going on the offensive with something completely different to take the heat out of my current winning argument.
- My current favourite.....half opened packets. I don't mean half empty packets, I mean packets that have the cut away bit of cardboard, plastic, or foil still hanging there, as if the bacteria will somehow take note and see this as some kind of bacteria scarecrow. Have you ever tried pouring baby rice cereal with the cut bit still attached. The cereal hits the still attached bit and flows off in other directions. And why does peeling back the foil on the butter, instead of taking it off, make it any more bacteria resistant?
- Keeping food warm after it has been cooked, to the point that it's dry as a bone and inedible, (but at least it's warm!). Which takes me off at a tangent here......People who send their food back in restaurants, because it's not warm enough, and are willing to sit around for another 30mins waiting. Meanwhile I've just eaten a full 3 course (cold) meal, which was delicious!!
- Emptying the bin from the bathroom, but leaving the bin in the kitchen. Is there any point in emptying the bin then? Think about it.
- Why is that that women get iritated with men who are sitting at their computer? Why is .....
Big Brother + Reading Newspaper ≠ Equivalent Time Spent on Computer
- If your hair looks nice long, and Jay loves his rice cereal, why would you have your hair cut short, and buy him some porridge stuff that he hates?
- And why does a baby that's going to sleep in half an hour need to "Get Dressed"? (Mind you, why am I still in my nightclothes at 1-45pm on a Saturday afternoon!!)
On the morning of my wedding, my brothers-in-law asked me if I knew what Annie was really like. In other words they were begging me not marry her, because they knew what was in store for this poor soul.
Too late now!!
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