Oh Lordi! I made the mistake of checking out the UK entry for the 2007 Eurovision Song Contest. Scooch - It's shite! Where do you start? It's so embarrassing, it's that bad. Check it out. Ah I thought, let's have a look at the other 5 songs that didn't win. Even worse!! So you can hardly blame the voting public for voting for the worst song from even worse songs!!
So, what did I do for the next few hours? I went on a Eurovision nostalgia trip on YouTube. Go to WikiPedia, look up Eurovision Winners, and UK entries, and then search on YouTube. And let me tell you, YouTube was made for Eurovision, because almost every Eurovision song that's ever been sung, has been posted up with loving care and attention. And no record company or Euro-artist is going to protest about the postings, because not much of it will ever see the light of day again.
Now having said all that, we were brought up on Eurovision, 60s 70s and 80s. It's a study in songwriting. Or sometimes lack of songwriting! How difficult is it to write a catchy melody, a visual hook from the singer, a singing hook, an instrumental hook, and something memorable. Well the UK has been failing at it for nearly 20 years! Who are the people that shortlist the songs for voting? If the songs that are shortlisted are all bad, then the public will vote for a bad one, and they might as well vote for the really bad (but good looking!) one!!
I'll leave it at that, and post some of the gems in Eurovision Part II.
What I will say is that I'm sure you could programme a computer to write a Eurovision Song and it wouldn't come last, in fact it might win!! I'm serious. Check out George Martin - Rhythm of Life (I can't find the right bit but here's Brian Wilson and Celine Dion as a bonus) on what makes a good melody (notes close together), get someone to programme the lyrics using a random EuroVision lyric engine, and you'd have a winner!
Of if you've ever seen an interview with Elton John at his piano, when the interviewer asks him to compose a song to some lyrics he's handed, just take Elton John's first 15 secs of contribution, before he overelaborates the song, and add Jim Steinman's lyrics and arrangements, and you'd have a Euro winner, but it has to remain POP-y and not some Disney Lion King/Celine Dion monstrosity.
I think I might just write the song myself!! My Lovely Horse!