I just noticed that both Michael Specht and Daryl Cook have noted it was BlueDay on Oct 10th to raise the awareness of anxiety and depression. I was so busy thinking about me, I completely missed the day!
But that’s part of the problem, when you’re thinking about you, when you’re in the hole, you narrow your horizons, just to survive.
I’ve faced a lot of depression in my family. My Mum suffered from severe depression for two decades, and just as she was coming through the worst of it, my Dad went into depression, and it probably killed him. His brother suffered from depression, and it definitely killed him. Others in my family have suffered and even been hospitalised with depression earlier in their life. I’ve been surrounded by it from my early years.
Never felt it myself for any length of time until recently. I think of depression in two forms. Clinical/Chemical depression, and Circumstantial. I once asked a doctor friend if I should be taking anything whilst feeling low, after the break-up of my first marriage, “No,” she replied, “you know why you’re feeling depressed!! I prescribe anti-depressants when you don’t know why you’re feeling depressed!!” Good point. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be taking anti-depressants when your anxiety and depression is circumstantial, but you probably have more choices to deal with the circumstances, than if you have a chemical imbalance in your body.
There are days when I’ve felt that chemical imbalance, but not for any length of time beyond that. However, my circumstances have driven me to anxiety and depression in my 40s. I’ve found the sheer financial load of having kids in my 40s a challenge sometimes beyond my means. Nothing that $15m and lots of sunshine (with some snow),wouldn’t cure.
For me, getting physical and getting on my bike works. But, I won’t always allow myself to have fun, and get physical if I haven’t done my homework. But I can’t concentrate to do my homework. Like a rabbit frozen in the headlights. And of course the regret for poor decisions made in the past, eating at me. And talking of eating, lots of chocolate only gives short term respite, and probably carbs me up so I can’t think straight!!
I look back at my parent’s generation, many mothers suffering depression, not so apparent the fathers, and I look around me now, and this anxiety and depression is so well hidden in others. I can smell it, lord knows I’ve been surrounded by it all my life, but there’s a lot of bravado, expensive cars and big holidays hiding it. I can sense it, but I can’t touch it, only my own anxieties. Is it just me? Sometime I feel I’m from a different planet. I look at other people, look at how other people treat other people, and I shake my head in disbelief. Is it just me?
A simplistic definition of depression, is that it’s depressed/unexpressed anger. And behind the anger is a need. What is the need that fuels the anger and depression.
For me, $15m dollars please!