tonygoodson

Depression – Part 1

I just noticed that both Michael Specht and Daryl Cook have noted it was BlueDay on Oct 10th to raise the awareness of anxiety and depression.  I was so busy thinking about me, I completely missed the day!

But that’s part of the problem, when you’re thinking about you, when you’re in the hole, you narrow your horizons, just to survive.

I’ve faced a lot of depression in my family.  My Mum suffered from severe depression for two decades, and just as she was coming through the worst of it, my Dad went into depression, and it probably killed him. His brother suffered from depression, and it definitely killed him.  Others in my family have suffered and even been hospitalised with depression earlier in their life.  I’ve been surrounded by it from my early years.

Never felt it myself for any length of time until recently.  I think of depression in two forms.  Clinical/Chemical depression, and Circumstantial.  I once asked a doctor friend if I should be taking anything whilst feeling low, after the break-up of my first marriage, “No,” she replied, “you know why you’re feeling depressed!!  I prescribe anti-depressants when you don’t know why you’re feeling depressed!!”  Good point.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be taking anti-depressants when your anxiety and depression is circumstantial, but you probably have more choices to deal with the circumstances, than if you have a chemical imbalance in your body.

There are days when I’ve felt that chemical imbalance, but not for any length of time beyond that.  However, my circumstances have driven me to anxiety and depression in my 40s.  I’ve found the sheer financial load of having kids in my 40s a challenge sometimes beyond my means.  Nothing that $15m and lots of sunshine (with some snow),wouldn’t cure.

For me, getting physical and getting on my bike works.  But, I won’t always allow myself to have fun, and get physical if I haven’t done my homework.  But I can’t concentrate to do my homework. Like a rabbit frozen in the headlights.  And of course the regret for poor decisions made in the past, eating at me.  And talking of eating, lots of chocolate only gives short term respite, and probably carbs me up so I can’t think straight!!

I look back at my parent’s generation, many mothers suffering depression, not so apparent the fathers, and I look around me now, and this anxiety and depression is so well hidden in others.  I can smell it, lord knows I’ve been surrounded by it all my life, but there’s a lot of bravado, expensive cars and big holidays hiding it.  I can sense it, but I can’t touch it, only my own anxieties.  Is it just me?  Sometime I feel I’m from a different planet.  I look at other people, look at how other people treat other people, and I shake my head in disbelief.  Is it just me?

A simplistic definition of depression, is that it’s depressed/unexpressed anger.  And behind the anger is a need.  What is the need that fuels the anger and depression. 

For me, $15m dollars please!

Purse Pliers

I implore you to read Scott Adam's Dilbert Blog.  It's by far the best and funniest blog around, and the comments as well (except for the idiots who don't get it, and take it all too seriously).  Any world problem no matter how big or small can be solved by the Dilbert Blog.

Today we have Purse Pliers for men who don't want to be seen (or infected) by their wife's purse.  Brilliant!!

As you know, there is no way to hold a purse in a manly fashion. After sixty seconds of transporting a designer bag full of Tampons and lipstick, your testosterone will be so low that you’ll be playing field hockey and lactating.........

....That’s why I invented the PursePliers ™. They are exactly like regular pliers, but you carry them in your back pocket in all times in case you are asked to hold a woman’s purse. When you hear the call, “Honey, would you grab my purse?” you whip out the pliers and use them to safely transport the purse and its wuss cooties.

"All People are Idiots" - Proof!

To quote Scott Adams, and the byline for my weblog, "All People are Idiots."
Now I have the proof (via Johnnie Moore).
Cognitive Biases!
We as humans have varying degrees of cognitive bias, which explains a lot, when dealing with fellow humans and my own cognitive biases.

- We base our views on limited proof
- We justify our biases with limited proof
- We act like sheep
- We predict based on over focus of one event
- We want short term gain and satisfaction
- We tend to disregard probability
- We bias towards what is memorable rather than what is best (and make the memorable the best!)
etc etc.

We've come a long way, just a few more thousand years of evolution my sort it out.
But if we took our cognitive biases away, then we wouldn't have humour would we, and we'd by like Spock (well half of Spock anyway).

Getting Things Done in 2006

I'm just having a look at my 2005 New Year's Resolutions, and almost everyone of them ended up as the opposite, which is largely how I intended them.
More Chocolate in 2005! was an attempt to give up chocolate by eating more.  And it worked.  I ate so much chocolate in the early months of 2005 that I think I've become allergic to chocolate by the end of 2005, so now I don't eat any or drink it.  Fantastic Tony, well done! Other 2005 resolutions;

2005 Resolutions
1. More Chocolate
2. Longer meetings!
3. More chocolate!!
4. Less food More Food!
5. More Cycling/Windsurfing
6. More holidays
7. More Blogging
8. More Improv
9. More time with Annie

I've blogged less, done no Improv, forgot about longer meetings, eaten the same amount of food as I always eat, cycled a bit, not windsurfed at all (but that wasn't a literal resolution), not been on holiday, and we now have a pool of babysitters, so Annie and I do spend more time together.  So all in all, my resolutions have mostly come true and how I wanted and expected them.

And so to 2006.  Getting Things Done.  Yes, partly following the book, and it's something I want to help more people with this year.  I think how we manage our lives, especially with information overload, is a big thing, and even if I can't get it right for myself (Ha Ha!) I can help others, who can then help me.

2006 Resolutions
1. GTD.  Work, Home, Network, Money,
2. Health.  I think this can be solved in one event.  Drink more water!
3. Cycle/Windsurf.  When it's windy windsurf, when it's not windy, cycle.  This applies to life.
4. Family.  I'd like to help teach Georgie to read, this year.  And more sport with Jay.
5. Tablet.  Take notes in meetings on my Tablet, with MindManager (and maybe learn OneNote).
6. Fun.  Go-Kart, Beach, Improv, Football, Ski/Snowboard, Annie.
7. MP3. Listen to more, maybe create more.

Oh, and one more thing.
8. $15Million!

p.s I've used Performancing, a Firefox add-on to create my first 2006 Typepad weblog entry.

Traumatic Friendship Stress Disorder!

Yes of course that's it, we all have Traumatic Friendship Distress Order - too many friends and not enough time!
So what you need is "Friendship Lite"!!
I'm not sure if it's a spoof, but it's a damn good one if it is. (via Doc Searls)

More Chocolate in 2005!

Funny, but I'm not reading many people's New Year's Resolutions, or "Top 24" posts.
So I'm writing this one for myself to look back on.
1. Eat More Chocolate!  It should be Eat Less Chocolate, but hell, I love chocolate, I'm going to try giving up all other food to eat chocolate!!  So instead of berating myself to eat less chocolate, why not go the opposite way, and try to eat more chocolate.  When Johnnie says "The Moose Will Provide", he means Café Delancey Chocolate Mousse will provide.  Well it did for me!!

Let's look back on 2004's resolutions first.
Mmmm, not bad. I didn't enjoy working at ANZ in the end.  Too political and too much back stabbing.   Yes there was a fair bit of action in 2004, and we've certainly consolidated being in Melbourne after 3+ years.  The kids are great (I'm looking after them all by myself, this weekend).
Work is good, I'm enjoying my current role. I'm loving the people around me.  It's taken 3 years to sort out who is who. Fatherhood and Husbandhood are great, but even though I'm with Annie and the Kids a lot, I need to give them more attention.
Do you think a wireless laptop in the lounge will solve that!!

I can't think of the highlights and lowlights of 2004.  I don't want to miss any out, so I'll just get on with 2005.
2. Longer meetings!
3. More chocolate!!
4. Less food More Food!
5. More Cycling/Windsurfing
6. More holidays
7. More Blogging
8. More Improv
9. More time with Annie

I don't mean these all to be literal.  "More Chocolate" doesn't just mean eating more chocolate.  It means more joy and enjoyment and appreciation.  The simple things.  More blogging and improv, is just a gut feel that those things will be big for me this year, but I don't know in what way.

So 2005 will be the Year of Chocolate!!

Lying, Exaggerating, Economy with the Truth

Do you lie?  Do you grossly exaggerate? Are you economic with the truth?
Only Johnnie Foreigner does that!  Well most people I know seem to do it.
Alas it's part of our society now. Hugh McLeod.

You have to lie because you have no other ideas about how not to be killed. How not to lose everything.
  Lying replaced ideas long ago. Lying replaced great sex long ago. Lying replaced your marriage long ago. Lying replaced joy long ago.

And talking of resumes, many people lie on their resumes/CVs, well doesn't everyone?  I thought about it and realised I don't. It never occurred to me to lie on my CV.

I see so many people exaggerating and lying.  I don't know if they're doing it deliberately.  Maybe lying is about perspective; they don't see the same perspective as me, so it's not really lying!!
Bullshit.  We all have a pretty good idea of what is a lie or exaggeration, and I hear it all the time in conversation.  I must draw a Hugh McLeod cartoon of a triangular hierarchy, with total truth tellers at the top, down to the majority of Weasels at the bottom.
Yes, it's back to Scott Adams and Dilbert on this one.  The reason the cartoons are so funny is because the characters are all lying deceiving weasels!!  And watching repeat runs of The Office, re-enforces this.

I don't want to claim the moral high ground on this, I just realise that in conversation I'm always on my guard, and there's lots of eye brow raising going on inside me!

I think it's about secrecy (not privacy) most people seem ashamed to reveal who they really are.
Ask me how much I'm earning, what my savings are, what my debts are, how work is going, what I think of that person.  The chances are, I'll tell you.

Why the secrecy? 
Why are people whispering around the office in hushed voices?
Why are we taught by Bush, Blair, Howard, Advertisers, to put a spin on things?

Is that the only way to be successful nowadays?

Who's Changed Your Life?

I was on the chat to Cameron who is now using MindManager to MindMap his life.  It reminded me that I actually did a MindMap of my whole life!
Yes, I've plotted almost every major event in a people based MindMap of my life.
I'm in the centre, and the first 3 topics are my Mum, Dad and Sister.  Everything, plus some of my own generated events, emanated from them, and there are of course a few random events which occasionally happen, but it's quite rare.

So all my girlfriends and wives are on the map!!  How did I meet them?  Who introduced me?  How did I happen to be in a place where I first met them.  It's the same with work and jobs, Who caused my jobs to happen?  Not just me.  There's always someone involved.  How did I meet that someone?

What I've ended up with, is an amazing map of my life by people.
Patterns start to emerge.  Some people have influenced more than one major event in my life.
Others have set off lots of events but they've not led to anything.
Some colleagues/friends are like protectors who have immense influence and have created good luck for me.

Since moving to Australia 3 years ago, there's an incredibly strong line of influence going back.
I'm in my current role through Steve Collard, and ANZ, both of these came indirectly from Alan Singer (ANZ via John Wallis), who I met through Dan Drum, who was introduced by Wayne Bingham, who I met via Peter Thomson, who I was in a meeting with at Neil Docherty's request, having been put in touch from Dennis Metcalf, who I'd been recommended to talk to by David Brain, Steve Goble, and Peter Kennedy, who I'd worked with from an interview with David Deacon and Paul Doherty, from an internal advert I'd noticed advertised at ICL/Fujitsu.  I'm now back to 1997!!  With me so far?

WoW!  So in fact this all happened because I noticed an internal job advert in '97.
Imagine if I'd noticed 2 internal job adverts!!

And this path has many sub paths. I've just given you the main line.
Amazing.  And I'm still in touch with most of these people.

Give it a go.  Start with the here and now.  Have a look at your action list, and people to call, and ask yourself how have you got here to these events.  Who caused them to happen, and take a few steps back.  An amazing pattern will emerge.

Women and Money

Had a great evening last night listening to Peter Spann and John Gray do their thing.
John Gray is of course Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. A bit like watching Niles Crane from Frasier! Good talk, not much new from the original book, and he should be good, he's been saying the same thing for 15 years, but what he says really resonates with the audience and me. He's taken it to the hormonal and brain level, to back up his ideas. Men and Women differ significantly in their hormone levels, what those hormones do, and how their brains work when scanned.

Men have at least 20 times the testosterone of women. Men go moody when their testosterone drops. They get it back up by doing things like watching TV!! Men are tired/exhausted but happy. Women are not!! When a woman is tired she still has dopamine (which keeps her thinking) and not enough serotonin to keep her happy.

The best point of the evening was when John Gray asked the women if they want to know how to keep a man happy. Answer - "Be Happy"

All men want is for their partner to be happy, because the men take credit for their partner's happiness!!
So a man is happy if his partner is happy. That is so true. But here's the twist. If a man is happy, does that make his partner happy?
NO!!!!!!!!!!!
She's too busy with the dopamine and low serotonin to have time for his happiness, and besides, men fix things and leave them unless they go wrong. Women want to improve things!!!

And then there was Peter Spann - Look at me, I'm very rich, you're not very rich, let me show you how I became rich!! A great down to earth speaker, with all his flaws. Just two words to sum his talk up.....Compound Interest. He gave some great tips.

1.Just Do It - Make some mistakes, don't over analyse but keep learning from your mistakes.
2.Buy Quality
3.Don't sell, hold

Simple really. I'm sure there are other qualities that makes someone as financially successful as him in such a short time. But one thing he did point out is that he prefers dealing with dumb investors. Why? Because they do what they're told and don't over intellectualise and procrastinate, and not do anything.
Good point!

Great speakers. All in all I'd much rather be me than them. I can learn a lot from listening to people like Peter Spann and John Gray. We were asked to think what we'd do with a large amount of money.For me;

1.Buy a large house overlooking the sea.
2.Financial Security for the family, and choice for the kids.
2.Buy time. Money would buy me time to do what I want. I love what I do and wouldn't give up work. I don't see it as work. Most wealthy people don't see work as work. The only thing I'd change are more flexibility on the hours and mode of transport.
I don't even want a flash car.
Annie does though!! Damn Women.

Hello, My Name is Tony!

Just noticed this from Seth Godin's weblog, Hello, my name is Scott. Makes you wonder, doesn't it! Makes you wonder lots of things!!
I just had a meeting this week with the company we work for. How do you know you've met or are working with someone from our company? There are several of us who are contracted into the same company, working on a project. We are indistinguishable from all the other people working there. Perhaps that's a good thing! But I'd like to think we bring something extra. The best we've come up with so far is having our own personalised coffee mugs.

Maybe it's time to walk around with a nametag for the rest of my life.
Now my brain really has started to kick in. Maybe I could sell advertising on my body. Oh I forgot, people already walk around with a Nike Tick on themselves.

I do like the idea of breaking down barriers with other people, like when you do one of those culty self motivation workshops and you walk around smiling at everyone in the street (until it wears off after 3 days!). Or when someone is smiling at you and looking you direct in the eye, only to realise they're talking on their mobile phone through a handsfree.

Our shyness and protocol prevent us from engaging with people. Even those we've been together with at school or work or neighbourhood, for several years, but we walk on the other side of the street (perhaps for good reason!) years later.

I was just looking through FriendsReunited for the first time in ages. It seems to have peaked and died. There's no momentum there. Workplace Reunited and Neighbourhood Reunited are great ideas, but with no momentum anymore. And besides, have you noticed that any contact with people from the past, have a 3 email life, and then nothing, until they copy you in on a house move 2 years later, and you realise you've made their top 30, and you've only spoken to them once in the last 20 years!!

I'm going to be sad and nostalgic, and make a list of 20 people from the past, I'd love to talk to. Be afraid, Be very afraid......"Hello, My Name is Tony............."